We're finally down to our last couple of months of school, and I'm resisting the urge to forget about everything and just plain call it good. As tempting as it is, that's not the kind of work ethic I happen to possess, so I'm barely holding on by a thread.
I'm burned out. Like a candle burned down to the last bit, I'm losing my appeal and my glow. I'm tired of being tired; the only cure is a summer of sleep. I'm excited to get away from Mason City for a couple of months, too. I like being in Pennsylvania because it's so hilly and beautiful. I'll also be able to drive and explore more this summer with the family's (soon-to-be-my-sister's) Subaru. (Supah Jew? Jewbaru? What?!)
Being in Penn is a nice, relaxing time for the most part. But as much as I love being away from Iowa, I miss my friends and family a lot. Sometimes it's almost awkward to come home because I've been gone for quite some time and it's hard to readjust. This summer will be interesting because my dad and step-family will be in town, so he gets to meet my friends. A couple of summers ago he took as all bowling, which was a real experience...haha.
A lot of people ask me if I have made many friends while I'm up in Penn, but it's almost difficult to make friends there because of the condo development my family lives in. A lot of older people reside there, or they have kids that are like 4 years old. Maybe I'm just weird for not wanting to hang out with senior citizens and/or babies? My dad and step-mom have been looking into houses recently and are wanting to move reallly soon. I think it'd be cool to have my own temporary "summer bedroom".
But I'm not saying that I don't have friends up there: I do. Last summer I got closer to a lot of people, which was really nice. It's fun to have friends from different places: for example, I befriended (hear me out now) my step-mom's best friend's son and his girlfriend, Ashley, (who are relatively close to my age; he's 18, she's 17) and we'll sit and talk about the things we do for fun back home and stuff. Like she thought detasseling sounded like the simplest job ever and she wished she could get paid for doing something as basic as that. They're pretty cool people and very relateable. I keep in touch via Facebook for the most part. :)
The only thing that sucks is, this summer I'm going into it with a lot of key people missing. It was hard enough being away for the summer when we all were friends, so it's even harder now that we're not. But it's okay because I've created deeper friendships with other people. (See 'Look at this Photograph'.) I get kind of excited because I love the "going away" and "coming home" parties. :) It gives me something to look forward to at the end of summer. Plus I usually am home with about 2 - 3 weeks before school starts up again anyway.
Just writing about Pennsylvania makes me want to be there so badly. The thick, humid air; the rolling hills; the beautiful sunsets; I want it so bad. I <3 IA but I'm noooot against ditching it for two glorious months. I'm excited for college in a way because I definitely want to go to school out East; it's sooo beautiful.
If you're one of those people who have never been out of the tri-state area, much less this God-forsaken town, I encourage you to explore the country. America holds beautiful things, even though it's hidden by a lot of ugly; it takes a good eye to find the positives.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Look at this Photograph
Despite all of my humorous blog posts, recently there's a bit of pain that's become embedded into my everyday life. Let me explain so I can get this off of my chest (and no, not like the Sahan escapade haha :p) :
As naive as it was for me to believe at the time, I thought that three of my supposed "best" friends would never betray me as I've seen other people do to their so-called "best friends" in high school. At school it's seemingly "okay" for the same group of friends to switch "biffles" and "besties" with each other every couple of weeks or so - you know, whenever they get bored/sick/tired/etc. of each other. Cool, huh? I didn't feel so. I had found my friends and stuck with them no matter what, good or bad. We got tired of each other, yes, but we just gave everyone space, and it just worked out.
Anyway, long story short, I lost one (friend #1, male) then I lost another (friend #2, female), then because I lost #2, I lost yet another, but final friend (friend #3, female). I mean, it's cool now; I'm not hung up on it because it forced me to recoop and test friendships with the other people around me, but God...it's weird to see them all around school and have them act like they don't even know me.
A little bit of background on all of them so that I don't seem like a total whiner:
Friend #1 is no longer my friend for completely different reasons than the other two, he isn't affiliated with the other two friends in any way, shape, or form. Things between us were messed up for a long time but for totally complex reasons that aren't even worth getting into. Let's just say due to his maturity level, I am no longer a friend of his on good ol' Facebook and have been blocked for confronting him about our problems. Awesome.
Friend #2 coincidentally became mad at me for talking to her "love interest" and giving him rides home from school when I've been very good friends with him since middle school! As of now I have been put on the dreaded "appear offline to" list on Facebook chat. Again, maturity people.
*FOR THE RECORD, "love interest" didn't even like #2 in a romantic way and told her point blank, yet I was the one blamed and ignored.
Friend #3 - follows the footprints of whateeeever it is that Friend #2 does. Sweet, someone who can't make up their own mind. Gotta love it.
Well tonight I had no homework to complete, so I sat on Facebook and MySpace - yes, Myspace - and I couldn't help but go through all of my old pictures. At first when you post last night's pictures, you don't really realize how significant they will be to you in the future, looking back into the past.
I laughed at a lot of them; all of the spontaneous things we've done are too good to be denied. I miss how random #2 was, I miss confiding in #1, and I miss hanging out for days at a time with #3. Some of the pictures brought me to tears, just seeing all of the emotion in the image. Most people wouldn't be able to pick out the stories behind some of the pictures, but they're very much there.
Even when I broke out all of the baby pictures it really killed me. I was so little and stupid back then, not knowing what was in store for me. Now I know. I can't say that I regret any of it, because I don't. And while I don't believe in the whole "no regrets" saying, I will apply it to this situation. Friendships are meant to teach you a lesson about trusting few, and learning how to let go when the time comes. It's almost sad to think that the only person you have in your life is really only yourself, but I have found that you will someday find different people that can change your mind and outlook on almost anything.
I wonder if any of us will be close ever again. It's undecided, and sure it's possible. I won't rule out any options because I don't want to make or break any promises, and I surely don't want my words to be used against me when it comes to this.
Sorry for this blog post, Mr. Dykstra. It practically oozes pathetic. Hahaha.
As naive as it was for me to believe at the time, I thought that three of my supposed "best" friends would never betray me as I've seen other people do to their so-called "best friends" in high school. At school it's seemingly "okay" for the same group of friends to switch "biffles" and "besties" with each other every couple of weeks or so - you know, whenever they get bored/sick/tired/etc. of each other. Cool, huh? I didn't feel so. I had found my friends and stuck with them no matter what, good or bad. We got tired of each other, yes, but we just gave everyone space, and it just worked out.
Anyway, long story short, I lost one (friend #1, male) then I lost another (friend #2, female), then because I lost #2, I lost yet another, but final friend (friend #3, female). I mean, it's cool now; I'm not hung up on it because it forced me to recoop and test friendships with the other people around me, but God...it's weird to see them all around school and have them act like they don't even know me.
A little bit of background on all of them so that I don't seem like a total whiner:
Friend #1 is no longer my friend for completely different reasons than the other two, he isn't affiliated with the other two friends in any way, shape, or form. Things between us were messed up for a long time but for totally complex reasons that aren't even worth getting into. Let's just say due to his maturity level, I am no longer a friend of his on good ol' Facebook and have been blocked for confronting him about our problems. Awesome.
Friend #2 coincidentally became mad at me for talking to her "love interest" and giving him rides home from school when I've been very good friends with him since middle school! As of now I have been put on the dreaded "appear offline to" list on Facebook chat. Again, maturity people.
*FOR THE RECORD, "love interest" didn't even like #2 in a romantic way and told her point blank, yet I was the one blamed and ignored.
Friend #3 - follows the footprints of whateeeever it is that Friend #2 does. Sweet, someone who can't make up their own mind. Gotta love it.
Well tonight I had no homework to complete, so I sat on Facebook and MySpace - yes, Myspace - and I couldn't help but go through all of my old pictures. At first when you post last night's pictures, you don't really realize how significant they will be to you in the future, looking back into the past.
I laughed at a lot of them; all of the spontaneous things we've done are too good to be denied. I miss how random #2 was, I miss confiding in #1, and I miss hanging out for days at a time with #3. Some of the pictures brought me to tears, just seeing all of the emotion in the image. Most people wouldn't be able to pick out the stories behind some of the pictures, but they're very much there.
Even when I broke out all of the baby pictures it really killed me. I was so little and stupid back then, not knowing what was in store for me. Now I know. I can't say that I regret any of it, because I don't. And while I don't believe in the whole "no regrets" saying, I will apply it to this situation. Friendships are meant to teach you a lesson about trusting few, and learning how to let go when the time comes. It's almost sad to think that the only person you have in your life is really only yourself, but I have found that you will someday find different people that can change your mind and outlook on almost anything.
I wonder if any of us will be close ever again. It's undecided, and sure it's possible. I won't rule out any options because I don't want to make or break any promises, and I surely don't want my words to be used against me when it comes to this.
Sorry for this blog post, Mr. Dykstra. It practically oozes pathetic. Hahaha.
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